*dons reading daggers*
Romspec & Death Bulletin - 2012.11.26


theneonwerewolf asked you:

Thoughts about the likelihood of JohnXVriska?

Anonymous asked you:

What is your speculation for jades romantic future? With dave and karkat and anyone else?

I considered doing this in ask-reply form, because it’s so tentative that I didn’t feel like having it rebloggable, but yolo.

Let me quickly go over my take on the romantic arcs I’m sure of…

Here are the ones that seem solid.

  • Jane —> DEAD, by character-arc corruption and descent  (80% certainty)
  • Jake —> DEAD, via Lord English possession  (80% certainty)
  • Karkat <3 Terezi  (90% certainty)
  • Rose <3 Kanaya
  • Dirk <3 Gamzee
  • Kanaya <> Vriska  (unless she never sees her again… which seems unlikely)
  • Kanaya <3< Gamzee
  • Terezi <3< Vriska  (even if she never sees her again!)
  • Karkat <3< Caliborn  (no to any deep relationship, but yes to him technically being his destined, epic kismesis)
  • (Karkat <> Gamzee, duh)

So… here’s my reasoning.

Jane and Jake are “strangled by the red string”.  But no, I don’t mean that like the trope at all… what I mean is that their inborn romance has the potential to literally strangle them, sort of like their destined attraction acting as a meta-level kind of Destiny Bond.  Jane and Jake either both live, or both die.  Even if one finds love elsewhere, it’s nearly impossible to imagine either going on with life without the other at least nearby and living… sort of like Karkat and Terezi.  (Quite clingy, Karkat is.)

Add in the narrative hints about them, the growing clues that Jane will descend entirely, or that Jake may lose his head or have his body stolen from underneath him upon ‘defeating’ Lord English, have his face taken like the movie his golden guns reference…

EB: in my foolishness, i came very close to prototyping your grandpa. 
GG: D: 
GG: john, try to be more careful! 
EB: we very nearly had to face our grandfatherly paradox-dad as a last boss. 
EB: that would probably be the worst case scenario. 
GG: um….. 
GG: what?

Their combined likelihood of survival becomes lower and lower.

Jane was always meant to be the counterexample to John.  John was the one who grew up with a ‘normal’ and loving father, goofed around a ton, greeted his game and quests with plucky enthusiasm, and realized his role to become a heroic God.  Jane is the one who is also shown to grow up with the same ‘normal’, caring father, in the same normal house, with the same plucky, vivacious, and quite frivolous demeanor… only for her resolve to fail, and her will to fall to death and destruction!

If Jake isn’t torn apart by Lord English’s intervention, rest assured that the women/robots in his life will finish him off.  Jane, Lil’ Hal (destined to become Doc Scratch), and possibly Vriska, might find themselves with ample opportunity to put him in harm’s way.

Terezi is slowly dissolving away from Dave, on a path to reunite with Karkat unless Karkat gets suddenly distracted by a new (living) suitor.  There doesn’t appear to be anything Dave could possibly do to forestall her path.

Rose and Kanaya have solidified past most of the huge amount of tension in their relationship’s leadup, with an enormous onscreen display of bewildered, drunken romance.  They’re likely to have a true one-to-one conflict / dramatic break, but this will likely be a physical challenge or something regarding a challenge to part in order to resurrect Kanaya’s race or heal Paradox Space, environmental factors threatening to separate them more than each others’ emotions, in my opinion.  (Others would disagree.)  Especially since the two have virtually no other plausible romantic options.  (Others would disagree even more vehemently.)

Dirk and Gamzee are a destined couple; Gamzee, who will certainly either live to the end of Homestuck or die the most absurdly Heroic death one could possibly imagine, has romance in the future of his character arc, and Dirk is so much the only option that I predicted he’d be a homosexual just from the relationship’s raw likelihood, before [S] Cascade.

There are also some hints that the unbelievably epic, ‘destined’ Kismesis that Karkat has been waiting for all his life is Lord English himself, in a way.  Not that an actual relationship will take place, but Caliborn is essentially a meaner, nastier, stupider Karkat, and threatens all existence.  Karkat wouldn’t find a more perfect destined rival anywhere in Paradox Space.  :)

Terezi <3< Vriska has always been our prototype kismesis example, despite its ups and downs; one of the most obvious and solid kismeses in the entire comic. Terezi was never annoyed by anyone as much as she was by Vriska, except possibly Gamzee lately… which Rose and Kanaya have assured us is unacceptable and doomed.  Kanaya has shown that she now has the resolve to stand up to Vriska and smack her down when she makes a mistake, and that Vriska would enjoy it rather than seeing her as an enemy as Kanaya had long feared.  The elements are all there… provided Vriska is actually alive again for any length of time.  They seem the ‘destined’ relationships, in a way, even if Vriska dies a second time or stays dead.  It’d make them widows, sort of?

Alright.  Now we’re onto the fudgy bits… here’s where things get complicated.


  • John
  • Dave
  • (Davesprite?)
  • (Tavros?)


  • Roxy
  • Jade
  • (Vriska)

And herein lies the dilemma.

Vriska has yet to cause her foretold “unfathomable destruction”, likely out in the Furthest Ring (but possibly afterward).  She has a reasonable chance of finding a way to cheat back to life out there, even if she has to betray Meenah or even Tavros to do so.  (Of course, the extent to which it might be considered ‘betrayal’, if at all, when it unfolds, would speak to just how large or small her chances of eventual redemption and a secured lifespan will be.)

Vriska has a whole ton of romantic plot leaning on John, and a huge advantage in the relationship game if she resurrects.  However, her competition will be steadily growing stronger in Roxy Lalonde, the other thief after John’s heart.  The Roxy/John ship has had plenty of subtly seeded evidence, even before the Scratch (read underneath the Spongebob gif in the link).  And right now, John is almost certainly holding a ring…



…that Roxy herself may have cast into the Void.

It’s a struggle between Light, the broad and obvious overtures of Vriska’s in-your-face chances, against Void, the subtle and disconnected shadows building up to Roxy’s eventual stab at John from behind.

And I don’t know who will win.  It’s a toss-up.  And if Vriska wins, which would normally seem somewhat more likely… what happens to Roxy???

But anyway… moving on from John, that simply leaves Jade and Dave, right?  Straightforward, right?  Wrong!!!


Dave is starting to accumulate some heavy foreshadowing that of the huge, major original characters, he himself - the one who’s something of an author insert based character in personality! - is going to be the one to bite the dust before the story ends, as the links describe.  Foreshadowing so strong and slow-progressing that even Davesprite doesn’t have the narrative weight to bail him out.

There is an out, though.  One out, the only one I’ve been able to think of.

It’s the only thing strong enough to steal a level of metanarrative doom that took [S] Cascade to first foreshadow.  And I honestly can’t tell you what the chances are of it happening, or her even possessing the opportunity.

What’s left for Jade if Dave dies?  Well… that’s hard to say!  Perhaps Davesprite?  Possibly a newly confident Tavros, reforged and reversed from the damaging sun of Vriska’s inversion-inducing and relationship-dooming abuse?  I couldn’t tell you for sure.

Possibly even Karkat, if something miraculous or tragic gets in the way of Terezi uniting with him.  (Such as Terezi/Davesprite or something weirder.)  After all, of the “sure” ships I gave at the top, you’ll see that some of them weren’t at a 100% chance.

(Of the “unlikely ships”, precluded by the way the plot seems to be going and other things, I personally enjoy the prospect of Jane/Karkat.  Sharing shocked expressions, freaking out at everyone else’s reality-defying shenanigans while retaining a resolute measure of normalcy… you can see it, can’t you?)



EDIT:  schafpudel reblogged:

And I don’t see why you think Dirk and ONLY Dirk will live if every other Alpha kid is dead! Yea, you’ve thought of reasons for the other three and not for him, but Hussie loves his symmetry. Ever notice how he likes to have an equal number of male and female characters in any given subset of the geodesic cast, barring the Midnight Crew and Felt? If he leaves Dirk alive, he’ll probably leave one of the alpha girls alive (or revive her through shenanigans). If he kills all the alpha girls, he’ll probably kill both alpha boys.

Dammit, sorry!  I didn’t think ahead that far.  :c  This is exactly why we did extended analysis of the branching possibilities in Romspec.

So… first of all, I want to emphasize that Roxy sacrificing herself to avert Dave’s foreshadowed death is a small and as-of-yet unknown probability.  I said that her sacrifice would be the only possible event with the strength to prevent Dave’s death; I didn’t say whether it was necessarily that likely.  We won’t know until events have unfolded further.

But second, yes, I agree with you.  In the case where Roxy, Jane, and Jake die - and keep in mind, even if Roxy dies, those other two are only mostly sure things - Dirk would surely die as well.  I would still hold Gamzee/Dirk as solid in that situation, and they may even die working together.  Or fighting each other.  It’s hard to tell with Gamzee.  :)

Regardless, that male/female ratio rule of yours holds mostly true, and we should keep it in mind for the future.

EDIT2:  And one more thing.

There’s a slight potential that Roxy and Vriska may both end up DEAD (in Vriska’s case, possibly *again*) at once.

If that’s the case, John may encounter a choice - possibly a Denizen choice - to revive one or the other!

Anyway… hope all those meandering musings were helpful!  Now you have an impression of my vague ideas on the pulse of the story and its impending disasters.

(Totally worth writing this up instead of finishing the Breath and Blood post.)

Romspec founder BlastYoBoots, your resident Seer of Doom, out! <3

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